Seen at work

This one speaks for itself!

Read More

I heard this today at work.

OFFICE ARITHMETIC:

Smart boss + Smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS:

Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance
Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Affair
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Marriage
Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy

SHOPPING MATH:

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS:

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must lover her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY:

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE:

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE:

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next!”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Read More

Loan situation

Loan situation

At my new workplace, there are certain conditions that a borrower must meet in order for us to do and grant a loan to any potential borrower.

On Monday night, a borrower calls me with the following scenario:

He owns 2 homes, and a Title company (so he demands to be told everything straight and not to treat him like he doesn’t know shet), has good credit and wants to maximize the cash-out on each one of his properties because he “has private business to do with the money” so he cannot reveal exactly what he’s doing with the money; he also refuses to give out his social security number to prevent pulling his credit report.

After complying with his requests, I proceed to inform him that if he’s taking out 100% cash-out on two second mortgages, he’s facing 13.20% interest rate on each loan, giving the fact that the loans aren’t big enough to consider a lower rate.

I also informed him that, in the state of Michigan, he will have a 3 year pre-pay penalty on his loan, but not on the one from Florida, since the state doesn’t allow this; and finally he’s looking at 3 origination points per loan.

After all this, he says the following:

He wants me to take these loans to my “boss” and to tell him that he’s giving us 2 deals, so we need to lower his interest rate to at least 11% on each loan, he will never pay us 3 points on each loan, maybe 1 or 2 points on both loans, and who knows because he has good strong connections and never pays more than what he has to. Also, says that we should eat out the 3 year pre-pay penalty, because he won’t sign the papers if we don’t remove it. He wants me to call him, let’s say, after looking at his calendar, on Wednesday at precisely 3:30 in the afternoon, not earlier because he’s at lunch, and not later because he will be in a meeting, and he will then consider what kind of offer I may place on his lap.

I thought this picture would look nice to go with this deal:

Read More

How I hate to sound like a loser

Monday was my first day at work. My new job that I got after the programmed process, interviewing and sending out Resumes to everybody who has a good job to offer, not just any job.

Anyway, after the mandatory orientation and all that stuff started, and I began interacting with my new colleagues, (btw, this time I’m in a group of winners, I can tell right away, so it seems) All of us feature a single motivation for being there: “money“, I believe this is a great opportunity to do so, so here we are, trying to look like we are going to be the best of the best; which is yet to be seen after a rigorous training that can last a just a few weeks, or even months. Here’s where we can set ourselves apart by making the trainers release us into the jungle, and start making some serious money.

Up until the day before yesterday, this was me. Well, I still have hair and teeth, but that’s about it.

Trying to get out of a stage of deep depression is big, and trying to make my life go back to normal is what my primary goal is set for now.

During my first day at work emotions, I felt the need as I did every time I started a new job, to call up my wife and share my feelings with her. Only this time, well, there was no wife anymore, but I still reached out my cell to dial home. I didn’t even get an answering machine. I felt really bad right there, something I can’t explain, and happened to me for the first time ever.

Thank goodness a found a couple of colleagues who are into building a huge web site, and one of them is a Personal Trainer with a background in Nutrition; maybe this is just sent from heaven to me, but I will try in making some good friends around here, we’ll see…

Read More